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Sep 24 14

Back To Work

by admin

So we lost. It was a hard blow. Much, much harder than I expected. I had never thought we’d win. But, hope weakened my defences and so when defeat finally came the blow felt devastating. Like everyone, I spent some time crying and some time raging and some time drinking, and some time in disbelief. But the sky is blue, the autumn leaves are on the turn, and the Ochil hills still look every bit as bonny in the sunshine as they ever did. It’s time to move on, now, and think clearly about what happened.

We lost.

We lost because we didn’t persuade the middle class that independence offered them opportunity. We didn’t persuade rural Scotland that it would reduce their peripherality. We didn’t persuade those who grew up with a better Britain that independence honoured those old values. We didn’t persuade people for whom Britishness is a central plank of indentity that an independent Scotland would nourish and respect that identity. Most crucially of all, we didn’t persuade England, or more specifically the English left, that it could survive without us. The result was, in those final weeks, a feeling arose that if we voted Yes we’d be yoked to a grieving, lunatic, hostile nation to the south.

So it’s no use getting pissed off about bias or nursing conspiracy theories about vote rigging because we lost and we lost by way more than a fraction. We lost by a lot. To birth a country properly we needed 60+ percent of the population who would be willing to face the hard work of independence and we needed the a warm & healthy relationship with rUK to set us on our way. Neither of those things were possible this time. If Scotland is ever to be an independent country in the future we will have to address all of the reasons why we lost with clarity and honesty and we must set about building into the bones of our polity the solutions to those problems.

It’s also no use going on about another referendum in the near future. Talk like that will alienate even many Yes voters. Electorates don’t like being played as mugs. We asked. They answered. The next time the question is asked it can only be because a sizeable majority of the electorate demand it. Apart from anything else, consider the risk. A country can lose an independence referendum once and still, just, consider itself a country. But lose an independence referendum twice? For the SNP to hold another referendum without a near certain guarantee of a positive outcome would be, to my mind, almost criminally irresponsible with the nation’s sovereignty.

Scotland will be independent in the end, in some form or other. Whatever independence comes to mean within a Europe of the future, Scotland wll be that. But for now we have to accept that we are a semi-detached nation. Semi detached is not bad. Not bad at all if you grew up in the 80’s, like me. So now, it’s time for us to stop looking backwards and to make the best of what we do have. Scotland has enormous advantages. We have an educated electorate, a functioning parliament, and the goodwill of a large majority of our people. There is an awful lot we can do. It’s up to us to govern ourselves with all the powers we have to the best of our abilities. We must behave like independent citizens of an independent country in waiting.

See all that talk about protecting the poor & the vulnerable? We have to do that. All that talk about land reform? We have to do that. All those new policy ideas? Get them implemented. Gender equality? Now, please.  The referendum brought  many marginalized voices to the fore? That doesn’t stop just ‘because parties don’t need their votes anymore. See how we finally noticed there’s a middle class elite who run Scotland? That needs shaking up… and there’s so much more.

Scotland needs to be entrepreneurial & forward thinking but that means we as individuals have to learn to take risks and box clever. We have use technology & networks. We have to learn how to make financial models that support our work. We have to try stuff out. Scotland needs decentralised government & localism but that means us taking responsibility for ourselves. We have to get involved with our communities – join the Community Council, work in the community garden, participate in organizing the Gala. Above all, every time we organize a meeting or event we must remember the lessons of Indy and ask ourselves – is there 50/50 gender representation here? Is this meeting structured so that more than the usual confident suspects get their voices heard? Is everybody here who needs to be here?

Lastly, and urgently, we need to get ourselves down to England and Wales and over to Ireland so we can get a conversation going with our friends and neighbours about how the people of this archipelago can develop together in the future. Can we be a British Scandanavia. We need to discuss identity, and shared values. We need come to terms with the past – past hurts we’ve done each other, and the enormity of the past hurt we together inflicted on the world in the form of empire.

So, you know, phew… that’s a lot to be going on with.

It’s comforting to nuzzle into defeat because defeat removes responsibility. What sweeter way to spend a lifetime than drinking to the memory of a glorious future that never happened. That’s the old Scotland. I grew up with that and I don’t want to go back. For a few days this summer I had a taste of what it would be like if we took responsibility for ourselves and it was intoxicating. I want more please! So come on, let’s get out there: join that party, start up that internet project, found that business, stand for election, form a transition town, write that book. Do you remember that sentence; the one we emptied of meaning by overuse? Well, today it feels suffused with possibility; as necessary and new minted as if it had been written for this moment alone -

‘Work, as if you were in the early days of a better nation.’

24th Sept 2018

Sep 23 14

To a Yesser

by admin

(After Hopkins)

 

Yesser are you grieving

Over all the media leaving

The news, that thing of man, you

With your fresh thoughts dazzled, can you?

Ah! As the activist grows older

We come to such sights colder

By and by, nor spare a sigh

Though piles of mulched white papers lie;

And yet, I will weep, know why:

Though no longer referending:

The national question’s never ending,

But no leaflet caught, nor tweet expressed,

What your heart made of it, that moment

‘Yes!’.

It was the moment you were born for

It is that passing that I mourn for.

 

23rd Sept. 2018

 

 

Aug 29 14

Yes No Plays Season 2

by admin

THE YES NO PLAYS
Starring Yes as ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ as No.
Season 2: Project Sunshine
Starts here, Monday.

*

Also featuring Devo Max, Rory The Tory, Radical Cindy, The Undecideds & special guests: Eddie Izzard, and Jimmy Reid’s Face In The Moon.

March: Better Together Announce their new strategy: ‘Project Sunshine’

*

The office of Dr RD Laing Jnr.

Dr: So, how can I help.
No: I want to seem more positive.
Dr: Hmm…

Dr Laing steeples his fingers

*
Dr: Do you want to be happier?
No: No
Dr: Do you want to widen your horizons?
No: No.
Dr: Do you want more control over your life?
No: No!

*
Dr: Do you want to feel more alive?
No: No
Dr: Do you want to swim naked in Pettycur Bay?
No: No
Dr: Do you want to try a threesome?
No: No.

*
Dr: Do you yearn for a future full of ideas, activity and optimism but feel yourself stymied by that great dark haunched beast – fear?

*
No: You don’t understand, I don’t want to BE more positive. I want to SEEM more positive. Being positive? That would be awful!
Dr: Hmm.
Mar 31
Dr: The beast fear that sits on your chest and crushes the very breath out of you?
No: Yes! I feel it!
Dr: And you want to change?
No: No.

*
Dr: So, you want to appear positive while remaining, deep down, negative.
No: Yes!

Dr Laing steeples his fingers

Dr: Hmm…

Clock ticks

*

March: Celebrities Offer Love to Scotland

*
Breakfast

No: Simon Cowell says he’s No.
Yes: Ah no.
No: What?
Yes: You won’t get me.
No: ?
Yes: There’s no flies in my porridge!

*
No: Simon Cowell said. It’s in the paper.
Yes: No, no. You’ll not get me with your obvious April fools designed to get my hopes up.

*
No shows paper

Yes: Dear God, he has!
No: I told you.
Yes: Are you ok?
No: I’m ok.
Yes: I’m so sorry.
No: It’s fine.

Yes holds No’s hand.

*
Yes: This must be for you like the David Bowie thing was for me.
No: Worse.
Yes: Oh love.

Yes cradles No

Yes: It’s ok. It’s ok.

*
No: …and Darling’s been slapped down by Cameron over the currency referendum…

Yes: Ah no! No way! You won’t get me!

Porridge Bubbles

April: Scottish Labour unveil their Devolution report.

*
The Undecideds read Labour’s Devolution Commission Report

*

He: It’s so hard!
She: I can’t take it in.

Bangs head on table.

He: (Groans)

*

By stove
Yes knits
No reads
Low thumps
Muffled voices

‘groan..(thump)..give it to me’

Yes: That’ll be the Undecideds at the bondage again.

*
By the stove

(muffled) ‘Can we tighten loophooles?…No…Do we have oil?…No…That’s going to make it rough…this is torture!’

Yes: (tuts)

*
By stove

(muffled) ‘…you can put it up but not down?..I don’t get the position…i’m tied up in knots…I’m swinging here…’

No: (sigh)

*
They put down the report.

He: What a disappointment
She: It’s supposed to amaze us
He: It’s just odd
She: It’s not even stapled properly!

*
By stove

(muffled) ‘See!…it just popped in my hand…now there’s mess all over the coffee table!’

No: (quietly) Wish I was undecided.

April: Polls show movement towards Yes

*
By stove

No: You knitting?
Yes: Chomsky bobble hat.

Yes: You reading?
No: Alan Titchmarsh.

No: You ok?
Yes: Fine.

Wind whistles.

*
By stove

No: It’s just –
Yes: Mm?
No: You’re quiet.
Yes: Am I?
No: A bit.
Yes: I’m fine.

No: Sure?
Yes: Sure.

Flames flicker

*
By stove.

Yes: I’m scared.
No: So am I.

Wind whistles.
Flames flicker.

Yes: I think we could win this.
No: So do I.

Clock ticks.

*

April: It is Announced The Red Road Flats will be blown up for the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games

*

Yes: It’s sad. Something built with the best intentions destroyed. Bang. Dust. Nothing.
No: That’s what it’ll be like after independence.

*

Apr: Eddie Izzard says he’ll stage a benefit show for Better Together

*

*
Tesco Cafe
Alasdair Darling and Eddie Izzard
They look at trolleys.

AD: Sangwich?
E: Thank you.
AD: Paste?
E: Yum.

AD opens lunchbox.

*
Eddie Izzard looks at the sangwiches.

E: You wouldn’t happen to have a ciabatta would you?
AD:…
E: …
AD: A ciabatta?

E nods.

*
AD: A ciabatta?
E: Yes
AD: A ciabatta?
E: Mm
AD: A ciabatta?
E: Only if -
AD: A ciabatta?
E: If you-
AD: A ciabatta?
E: Do you?
AD: NO!

*
AD: Paste’ll do!

Offers sandwich.

AD: Ciabatta. Ha ha. Very good. Ha ha. Ciabatta!

E eats.

AD: You should use that joke tonight.

*
They look at trolleys

AD:…
E:…
AD:…
E: …
AD: ciabatta!
E:…
AD: ciabatta.
E: …
AD: ha ha
E: (sigh)

Trolleys drip in the rain

*

*

Apr: The Death of Margo McDonald

*

*
No: Sad?
Yes: Mm
No: Margo?
Yes: (nods) I used to think the great were common. But they’re not. They’re rare and they go.
No: Sad.

*

April: Eddie Izzard plays his benefit concert.

*

*
Breakfast

Yes: How was Eddie?
No: Oh he was funny…he did a bit about Ciabatta! Britain’s a lovely Ciabatta…wait no…

Porridge bubbles

*
No: No Scotland’s a Ciabatta! And Wales is cheese..no..the Olympics were a Panini..I forget the point but it was very funny.
Yes: (sigh)

*
No chuckles

No: …ciabatta…
Yes: mm.
No: It’s funny because we were all expecting him to talk about paste.
Yes: Mm.

Yes pours porridge.

*
No: What’s on your porridge?
Yes: Pine nuts
No: Pine nuts?
Yes: Pine nuts
No: ..
Yes: ..
No: Nuts from a pine?

Yes nods

No: Madness!

*

April: Polls show more movement towards Yes.

*

*
Porridge
Yes stirs

Yes:(sings) Zipadee doodah, zipadee ay! My oh my polls are goin’ our way!

Wiggles bum
Tosses spurtle in air

No: (sigh)

*
By the stove
Yes enters

No: Books?
Yes: Constitutional Law, Theory of Money, History of Ireland, History of Iceland, Tidal Energy…

*
Yes: Local Democracy in Finland, Andy Wightman, The Schengen Treaty, Smout, No Great Mischief if They Fall, McMafia, Boswell & Johnson…

*
Yes: …Argentina’s Dollarisation Crisis and a life of Tom Johnston.

Puts books down

No: Danielle Steele?
Yes: No
No: Jings

Pile totters

*
Yes opens book

Yes: If we’re going to win this thing, at least I want to have done the reading.

No nibbles Sir Chris Hoy egg
Clock ticks

*
In bed
Yes reads

No: Does it stop if you win?
Yes: What?
No: The talking, the reading, the arguing.
Yes: It starts if we win.
No: (sigh)

*

April: No campaign reported to be in crisis

*

*
By the stove

Yes: ..
No: What?
Yes: ..
No: What?
Yes: ..
No: Stop looking at me like that!
Yes: ..
No: ..
Yes: What’s the trick?
No: What?

*

Yes: Your campaign, it’s awful, just awful. You lot are supposed to be the grown ups. So go on. What’s the trick?
No: No trick.
Yes: …?

*
Yes: But it’s incompetent.
No: ..
Yes: Not you. It. Them. Hopeless.
No: ..
Yes: That can’t be real.
No: No trick.
Yes: Really?
No: None.

*
Yes: The No campaign really is this bad?
No: Yes.
Yes: ..
No: ..
Yes: ..
No: ..
Yes: Do you want a cuddle?
No: Please.

Clock ticks.

*
Tesco Cafe
Alistair Darling looks at trolleys

No: You ok?
AD: ..
No: Been here long?
AD: ..
No: Someone’s put a Yes sticker on your head.

*
Trolleys clank

No: I’m worried about you.
AD: ..
No: You’re very quiet.
AD: ..
No: What you thinking?
AD: Paste.

Gulls eat chips from bin.

*

April: It is announced Sir John Reid will become involved in No Campaign.

*

*

Tesco Cafe
Alistair Darling & No
Gulls
Trolleys

Voice Off: Ho! Darling ya BAM!
No: ?
V.O: Wake *p! Ya c*m*tose f*&^ny!
No: Sir John Reid?

*

Sir John Reid sits.

JR: Baron c^%ng Reid of Car-c&^g -dowan to you PAL.
AD: Sangwich?
JR: A**ewich! I eat STANES!

Slaps lunchbox on table.

*
JR opens Duke of Wellington Lunchbox

JR: Now! W*t the t!ts is going on with this f^%$ing CAMPAIGN?

Takes handful of gravel
Eats it

*
Breakfast

Yes: What’s on your porridge?
No: Nmfing.
Yes: ?
No: ow!
Yes: Is it gravel?
No: sr mmf!
Yes: Sore mouth?
No: (nods)
Yes: (sigh)

*

Tesco Café
Sir John Reid, Alistair Darling & No
No’s face swollen

JR: Scottish people LOVE gravel. WE trust gravel. WE are not FRUITARIAN!

*
JR: Gravel goes with everything! Gravel never goes off! You can SUCK a bit of gravel ALL DAY. Labour ARE gravel. THAT’s the MESSAGE!

*
JR: We should NEVER have given folk PASTE. F%^$ing P*STE! We GAVE the PEOPLE of SCOTLAND paste. Now they all want f*&^%ing LYCHEES!

*
JR: C*&^*ng SALMOND: ‘Like Paste do you? Why not try a SATSUMA? Here’s a PHYSALIS! Would you care for a KUMQUAT!?’ Deceit. Vile DECEIT!

*
Sir John Reid stares at gull

No: Sir..is ‘paste’..devolution?
JR: YES!

Headbutts window
Gull flies
Trolley clanks
Gravel rattles.

*
Sir John Reid slams fist on table.
Coffee cups jump.

JR: NO MORE F**^*%*G PASTE!

Slams fist.
Lunch box jumps.
Alistair Darling blinks.

*

Sir James Macmillan accuses the National Collective of being ‘Mussolini’s Cheerleaders.’

*

*

Yes reads paper.

Yes: Am I a fascist?
No: No.
Yes: Is my potato printing fascist?
No: No.
Yes: Phew! You making tea?
No: Yes mein fuhrer.

*

Yes makes tea.
No puts feet up by stove

No: …and you do force me to eat lentils… and you sometimes annexe the remote…
Yes: (sigh)

*
No: … And that patchwork bunting in the kitchen is a bit ‘Nuremberg.’

Yes grips spurtle.

No: I’ll stop now.
Yes: Thank you.

Clock ticks

*

April: The Sunday Herald comes out for Yes

*

*
Yes on a crisp box

Yes: It is a great day! A day for which a nation yearned! A day we can truly call (draws self up to full height) BRAW!

*
Yes: A day we will remember unto the end of TIME!

Stares into distance, weeps.

Mr Patel: You gonnae buy that Herald or jist wave it aroon?

*
May: Artists ‘Collective’ Vote No Borders is announced. They have a song.

*

*
Tesco Café
Alistair Darling holds single

AD: This is it. This’ll win it! They’re called Flowers of The Onion.

Opens dansette
Gull squawks

*
Music from dansette

‘Oh, Scotland, if you go then, where can we, wear our Boden?’

AD: So true. So true.

Stares at trolleys.
Weeps.

*

Aug 29 14

YES NO PLAYS SEASON 1 Pt 2

by admin

*

The aftermath of The Burns Night Escapades

*

*
In the Yes Yurt
Steven Noon massages Yes

SN: What’s wrong? Your chakras are as tight as Joanne Lamont’s mouth-face at FMQ’s.

Yes winces

*

Yes: I’m fine.
SN: You don’t seem fine. You’ve been quiet all week.

Tea lights flicker
A teardrop rolls down Yes’s cheek

Yes: I’m fine

*

SN: Your haikus are lucklustre, your spoon’s carved in the shape of a sigh and your bodhran playing’s frankly all over the place. What’s up?

*

Yes: I’ve done a bad thing.
SN: Nothing is bad in the Yes Yurt. Everything is good.
Yes: I kissed a tory.

Ringing bowl falls silent

SN: Mm

*

Yes: I kissed a Tory and I liked it. Down in the pine woods, we lay together on dewy grass and discussed Barnett Consequentials.. ’til dawn.

*

Yes: His voice…his eyes…his tweed longjohns. We drank Shiraz from the bottle and he offered me ‘full fiscal autonomy’
SN: Mm.

Incense burns

*

Yes: My vote felt so… soft.

Steven Noon holds Yes’s hand

SN: Did you fall?

Tea lights flicker
Incense smoke spirals

Yes: No.

*

Yes: As the Tory unbuttoned my Yes-Duffel I lay back and saw Jimmy Reid’s face in the moon.
SN: He does that.
Yes: And I came to my senses.

*
SN: This is a lesson. Tories can be charming. Their insouciance, their loneliness -
Yes: Their impecabble tailoring.
SN: They cut a dash.

*

SN: But if we’re ever tempted by Tories again, we just look up at Jimmy Reid’s face-in-the-moon and everything will be right.
Yes: (sigh)

*

Incense burns
Ringing bowls hum
Steven Noon massages Yes

SN: Nothing is bad. Everything is good.

Yes closes eyes
Teardrop dries
Sighs

*

The aftermath of the Burn’s Night Escapades Pt 2

*

Doorbell

No: Who could that be? Yes is out at the village Makar auditions.

Bell

RC: (shout) Ho! N-Dogg. Ya in?
No: (gasp) Radical Cindy!

*

No opens door

RC: N-Diddy!
No: Um -
RC: Can I come in?
No: Um – I – er
RC: Thought you’d want this back

Chris Hoy Face Thong

No: (Gasp)

*

RC: Fell oot the leg o ma capoeira pants. Pure spooked me! Sir Chris Hoy starin up at me oot ma washbasket – winkin.
No: !
RC: It’s ironed.

*

RC: Gave it a dash o Febreze n’aw.

Gives No the folded thong.

No: …Cindy…on Burns night.. did I… did you… did we?
RC: Did we whit?

*

No: Did we (mouths) ‘do it’?
RC: WHIT!!?
No: I remember you looming over me in the firelight.
RC: I was teachin ye how to resist an arrest!

*

RC: You said you’d come Golf Sabbing.
No: Golf sabbing?
RC: Up at Donald Trump’s bit. I was showing ye how to go limp!

No clutches thong.

*

No: Phew!
RC: Loosen up, N-Dogg. You don’t need underwear, anyway. Hang free! Feel the passin’ o the seasons on your skin!

No shudders.

*

RC: Be the change you wish to see. In the Yes Yurt we all go naked under our clothes.

Cindy winks
Cindy leaves

No: Madness!

Clock ticks

*

*

No campaign leadership questioned

*

*

Porridge
Papers

No: (groan)
Yes: What?
No: I never knew winning would be so depressing.
Yes: I never knew losing could be so much fun.

*

*

David Cameron Makes A Speech in Favour of The Union at The Olympic Park

*

By the stove
No listens to the radio

David Cameron: …When I think of Scotland I think of… wearing Boden on Hebridean beaches…

No sighs

*

Radio

David Cameron: … I think of the marvellous estates my friends own, and the lovely times I’ve had there killing things…

No nods

*

Radio

David Cameron: … of merry highland dances with Scottish people struggling to tell me things I can barely understand!

No smiles

*

Radio

David Cameron … and soldiers called Jock or Tam who josh their superiors but by jingo they’d gralloch a Taliban for you!

No grunts

*

Radio

David Cameron: I think of sunset and the mighty roar of jets landing at Scottish airbases, fat as geese and full of bombs

No nods

*

Radio

David Cameron: I think of Chris Hoy and his mighty thighs pumping..I think of the Forth Bridges…and Kevin Bridges!

No stiffens

*
Radio

David Cameron: I think of Sir Robert Burns, who said, did he not, ‘ye canny fling a jeely peice oot a twenty story flat!

No gulps

*

Radio

David Cameron: And as John Curtice has recently said, ‘Twenty thousand hungry wains will testify to that!’

A tear forms at No’s eye

*

Radio

David Cameron: And we DO testify. We testify to PASTE! The Great British paste that sticks our sandwiches together!

No weeps

*

Radio
Elgar’s Nimrod Plays

David Cameron: Salute the paste! Salute the paste!

Music rises
Tears stream down No’s face
No salutes

*

Radio off
Wipes tears from eyes with team GB cloot.

No: Magic that, almost as good as John Barrowman.

Sits
Clock ticks
Stove flickers

*

*

Cameron Calls on English People to Telephone Scots and offer Love

*

No sits by phone

Yes: Any calls?
No: One.
Yes: Yes?
No: Do we want to buy a smoke alarm.

Yes: Early days
No: Early days

*

Phone rings

No: (excited) Hello! – Oh. (to Yes) It’s Eddi Reader. She’s asking if you want to come to the pub.

Hands phone
Clock ticks

*

Phone rings
No jumps

No: Hello.
Voice: Why hoy!
No: ?
Voice: Oi em an English powrson frim Newcassel an oi love yew Sco’land!
No: ?

*

On Phone

Voice: Ploise vewt neow in yaar rafarendim.

No: Is that you, Yes?
Yes: Neow

No opens kitchen door

Yes: Sorry
No: (Sigh)

*

By stove

Yes: You just seemed so sad.
No: They will call.
Yes: What if they…
No: David Cameron said!

No cradles phone
Clock ticks

*

By the stove
Yes enters

No asleep, curled around phone.
Flames flicker

Yes pulls Jessica Ennis duvet over No

Yes: Bless

Clock ticks

 

*

Osborne says Scotland Cannot Use The Pound

*

Yes throws down newspaper

Yes: See this!?
No: Mm
Yes: The tone – the high handed –
No: Mm
Yes: The PATRONISING -!
No: Mm

Porridge Bubbles

*

Yes: I’m ragin’!
No: Mm
Yes: How does it make YOU feel?
No: Relieved.
Yes: !?
No: Finally, things are back to normal.

Porridge Bubbles
*

Yes: They hate us.
No: They love us.
Yes: Funny kind of love.
No: When they tell us we can’t do things it’s BECAUSE they love us.

*

No: There are things we’ve no business having. Things that aren’t ours, like the pound, and power. Now we’ve been telt.

Porridge bubbles

*

No: All the ideas. All the talk. All the possibilities. It was too much. Now we’ve been telt. We’re back in our box. Safe.

Porridge bubbles

*

No: We’ve been telt. You’ll see. It’s for the best.

No leaves
Yes grips spurtle

Yes: (whispers) I’ll not be telt.

Porridge bubbles

*

*

Valentine’s Day

*

Breakfast

No: Who’s the boss of Better Together?

No slides heart envelope across table

Yes: Alistair Pissoff

Slides envelope back.

*
No holds heart envelope.

No: It’s Alistair ‘Darling’!
Yes: It’s George Osborne
No: I was making a joke
Yes: You’re a joke!

Breaks spurtle

*

No: It’s Valentines… I’m saying you’re my ‘Darling’
Yes: This is not the easiest moment for me to display affection to a TORY STOOGE!

*

Yes leaves
Slams door.
A moment
No alone
Holds heart envelope.

No: (quiet) Oh dear.

Porridge bubbles
Clock ticks.

*

Kitchen
Heart shaped card in bin
Yes picks up card
Opens it

Eddi Reader: (sings) My Love Is Like A Red Red Rose tha…

Yes shuts card

*

Yes opens card

Eddi Reader: (sings) …ts newly sprung in…

Yes shuts card.

Yes: Bum.

Yes opens card.

Eddi Reader: (sings) June…

*

Tesco Cafe
Alastair Darling stares at trolleys
No’s phone beeps.
Text: Thnx 4 card. Y cant ur cmpaign be so thghtful? x Darling

No smiles

*

*

Un-named Government minister says Currency Union inevitable.

*

Breakfast

No: All the papers?
Yes: Mm.
No: You going to read them?
Yes: Every word.

Kicks off baffies
Plunges cafetiere
Porridge bubbles

*

Yes reads papers

Yes: D’you want one? Herald? Mail? Observer? SoS?
No: No

Yes: The Broons?

No takes paper
Yes smiles
Clock ticks

*